he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Girls should come with a carfax report
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
