I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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