I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
