When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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