You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize