i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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