Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
