Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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