his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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