Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
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They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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