Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
