i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
