I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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