Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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