so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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