booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
