I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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