Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
