I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
