Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
