if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
