Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
