walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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