Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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