Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
