dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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