Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
