Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
