The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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