Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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