I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
