he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
