and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
