its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
