her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
