4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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