I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
