i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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