So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
