i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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