The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize