So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
