You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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