I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
