so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
