You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today