I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
