Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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