I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.