just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.