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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go

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• (305): View more from Florida

  its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.

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