I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
