So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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