ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
