What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
