I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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