Please, let me fuck your mom
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
