your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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