No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
