another moral hangover. fuck.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize