if only i could text you this smell
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
