I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
