she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When did angry sex become our thing?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
