It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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