i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
