There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
