Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
