i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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