I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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