I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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